the tanner ba'

Is This The Worst Kit…Ever?

The former champion...

The former champion…

Way back in 1978 somebody at kit-maker Admiral decided that unfortunate ginger-fros and porn mustaches were not embarrassing enough for the boys in sky blue at Coventry City F.C..  It wasn’t that the template they came up with was inherently bad (many clubs, including a certain Ross County F.C., then still a Highland League club, wore them and looked reasonably good in them), but brown and white?  That’s just…mean.

It should surprise no one that this kit has been at the top (bottom?) of many “worst kit ever” lists over the past 35+ years and it should also not come as a surprise that “chocolate brown” has been rarely- if ever- used as a kit color during that same time…until now.

Before I show you the monstrosity that has bucked this long-standing trend I need to be clear that since absorbing Warrior Sports last year New Balance has done very well on its re-entry into the world of big time football.  Dozens of high-profile players are already wearing their new line of boots and the kits they have designed for the likes of Liverpool, Stoke, Sevilla, Celtic, and others have been at least “handsome,” if not ground-breaking.  Which begs the question, what happened with this 2015-2016 F.C. Porto kit?!

Much like this shirt, words fail me.

Much like this shirt, words fail me.

I have not seen the rest of this kit (and I’m not sure I want to) but I’m going to guess that the shorts are also two-tone poop with aqua trim and that the socks are probably blue with crap detailing.  I’m confident of this because the only worse thing would be if the shorts were aqua with turd trim and the socks were…does it even matter?  I appreciate kits that are “so bad that they’re good,” in fact, I own or have owned this, and this, and this.  This Porto kit, however, goes way beyond that.  If it were a move it would be unwatchable, if it were food it would be inedible.



3 comments on “Is This The Worst Kit…Ever?

  1. Sculptor?!?
    June 24, 2015

    You get an extra gold star for your writing today – the humor managed to shake me out of my catatonic state and get me laughing…

    Cue all the ‘Porto-potties’ jokes in 3…2…1

  2. Francis
    June 25, 2015

    Lucky you don’t live in Australia, brown is a popular colour for football uniforms, my old football team wore a Brown Shirt with an Orange and White strip down the front, and the Hawthorn Football Club are famous for their Baby Poo and Urine jerseys.

    • weefuse
      June 25, 2015

      Strangely Hawthorn’s kit never bothered me too much (my aunt moved to Australia in the 70s and I’ve followed the AFL off and on since then)- I think it’s because it’s always had at least as much yellow on it as brown, sometimes more.

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