the tanner ba'

Off Topic with WeeFuse

muntz

As much as I enjoy keeping this site a going concern the time it takes to do so has made The Tanner Ba’ my only creative outlet when it comes to writing and, well, that’s just not enough me.  You see, sometimes I want to write but I neither want to write about football nor want to search for something football-related to write about when the choices leave a me a bit cold.  Or, to put it in perhaps a more positive light, sometimes I’m excited to write about other things!!  So, this- “Off Topic with WeeFuse” is going to be a thing at The Tanner Ba’ going forward- probably on a weekly basis.  Topics will vary, length will vary, tone will vary.  Today I’m going with brief, mischievous, and musical.

In my workplace there is a very simple rule, he/she who arrives first controls the music until such time as he/she cedes control or leaves for the day.  While there are grave social consequences for violating this rule (good old-fashioned Amish-style shunning being a popular choice), that does not mean that those not in control of the music on a given day have to hold back their opinions.  In fact, pointing out a colleague’s questionable choices is de rigueur in most cases.  Knowing that there will be almost constant scrutiny of ones choices means that one must choose their playlist wisely and keep track of those upon whom they must seek revenge for their criticisms.  For example, there was a day last week when one of my colleagues expressed a dislike for the Black Keys.  My response at the time was, “Duly noted.”  The next time I was in control of the music I started the day by playing 87 Black Keys songs in a row (no, I’m not joking), because that- as the kids say these days- is “how I roll.”

If you’ve made it this far you’re probably asking yourself, “Where is this going?!”  Well, I’ll tell you.  My favorite strategy when somebody else is in control of the music is to make sweeping- though generally true, in my opinion- negative statements about the artist(s) in question.  My goal is not to anger my colleague, but to leave him/her sputtering, exasperated, and generally unable to formulate a logical or coherent rebuttal due to the the enormity of my critique.  Today I’d like to share a few of my favorite “verbal hand grenades” with you and I invite you to use the comments section to sputter away.  Be forewarned, some of these are COLD!

  • “Eric Clalpton hasn’t recorded anything worthwhile since Cream broke up- plus he’s at best a xenophobe, and at worst, a racist.”
  • “Is this Radioplay or Coldhead?  I can never tell the difference…”
  • “You’re a parent, how do you rationalize listening to Michael Jackson?”
  • “I’m not saying that Nirvana were a bad band, I’m just saying they weren’t original- at all.”
  • “No, no, Prince is great.  I just liked him better when he was named ‘Jimi Hendrix,’ and before that when he was named ‘Little Richard’.”
  • “Did the Allman Brothers record any original songs or were they just a cover band?”
  • “Do you listen to anything that isn’t reviewed on Pitchfork.com?”
  • “‘Rubber Soul’ is the last Beatles’ album worth listening to, after that they were a Vaudeville act.”
  • “Did you just say ‘John Mayer’ and ‘the blues’ in the same sentence?”
  • “Why do you hate music?”

Now, before you think I hold myself above the musical fray, here’s what I’ve been listening to recently- mock away!!*

  • Bob Mould “Beauty and Ruin”
  • Shellac “1000 Hurts”
  • Imelda May “Tribal”
  • Motorhead “No Sleep Till Hammersmith”
  • Solomon Burke “The Very Best of Solomon Burke”
  • The Black Keys “Turn Blue”
  • Eric B. & Rakim “Follow the Leader”
  • Bobby Bland “Two Steps from the Blues”
  • The Real McKenzies “Westwinds”
  • Reverend Horton Heat “Rev”

*This may be difficult as my musical taste is impeccable.

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One comment on “Off Topic with WeeFuse

  1. Sculptor?!?
    June 13, 2014

    No mockery, as taste is subjective. I shall, however, reserve the right to raise an eyebrow at you at appropriate opportunities.

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This entry was posted on June 12, 2014 by in Off Topic, Random and tagged , , .
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