Apparently the video of One Direction “singer”/”star” Louis Tomlinson getting clattered by Mr. Agbonlahor during Stilian Petrov’s (well-deserved) charity match was only part of the video- and not even the best part! I give you the rest-
To be honest, at first I felt bad for him. Ala a certain Seinfeld episode, I once went the better part of 15 years without vomiting (damn you food poisoning!!) so I don’t like to see it happen to somebody else, even a member of a vapid boy band. BUT then I noticed that he’s not wearing “10” on his Celtic shirt, he’s wearing the “1D.” To which I can only say this:
But seriously, seeing that shirt made me wish that former Celtic star Roy Keane had some how been the one who tackled Tomlinson, leading to a scene like this:
(Warning: “Adult” language below)
For those of you who don’t remember this, ah, “incident” in 2001, that’s Roy (playing for Manchester Unite) standing over
the corpse of Manchester City’s Alfe-Inge Haaland. You see what had happened was four years before this match when Haaland was playing for Leeds United he and Keane had battled throughout the entire match until at one point during their tussling Keane caught his studs in the turf and tore ligaments in his knee. Haaland then made the mistake of standing over Keane and accusing him of faking an injury. Keane missed the rest of the season (he was injured in the 9th match of the season) and that gave him plenty of time to think…
Fast forward to 2001 and the 86th minute of the Manchester Derby match. I’ll let Roy explain it to you:
“I’d waited long enough. I fucking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you cunt. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries. My attitude was, fuck him. What goes around comes around. He got his just rewards. He fucked me over and my attitude is an eye for an eye.”
Keane was red carded and suspend for a match for the “tackle” and his subsequent remorseless remarks earned him an additional 5 match ban and cost him £150,000.
To this day Haaland claims he played only 48 minutes more football in his career due to Keane’s tackle. The easily researchable facts- yay internet!- show this to be untrue. He has also claimed that it was because of the injury caused to his knee by Keane’s tackle that he was forced to retire. Again, the internets show that it was actually chronic injuries to his other knee that forced his retirement.
So, that was a bit of a digression, but we’ve all learned one thing, haven’t we?
One Direction are terrible.